2 Teachers On Self-Reflection In Aikido | w/ Wendy Palmer

Self-reflection is essential at every stage of Aikido practice.

But the deeper you go, the more important it becomes.

And if you become a teacher, the need for self-reflection increases even further.

In 2017, as part of the Aikido At The Leading Edge project, I connected with Wendy Palmer, Aikido teacher, embodiment facilitator, and author.

We had not planned a specific topic for our first conversation.

But very quickly, we found ourselves talking about one theme:

the need for self-reflection in Aikido.

Aikido As A Mirror

Aikido can be a powerful medium for self-reflection.

This is especially true when practice brings you to the edge of your comfort zone.

Under pressure, the patterns that are easy to hide in ordinary life become more visible.

How do you react when you lose control?

What happens when someone resists you?

Where do you become rigid?

Where do you collapse?

Where does your ego show up?

What are you defending?

Aikido gives us a physical and relational mirror.

But the mirror is only useful if we are willing to look.

The Responsibility Of Teaching

Self-reflection becomes even more important when you step into the role of teacher.

Teaching places you in a position of influence and power.

Students listen to you.

They trust you.

They project onto you.

They may idealize you.

And, quite literally, they bow to you.

That can be candy for the ego.

It creates fertile ground for projection, transference, counter-transference, attachment, and shadow.

This is not a reason to distrust teaching.

It is a reason to take the responsibility of teaching seriously.

The more influence you have, the more important it becomes to understand your own motivations, blind spots, identity structures, and unconscious patterns.

As the familiar line goes:

With greater power comes greater responsibility.

Assume Your Shadow Is There

One of the themes Wendy and I explored was the importance of assuming that shadow is present.

Not because teachers are inherently problematic.

Because teachers are human.

Some of the questions we touched on were:

• How does ego show up in the teaching role?

• Can a teacher recognize when identity has hardened around status or authority?

• What happens when students project qualities onto the teacher?

• Can teachers remain open enough to continue evolving?

• How does mindfulness create enough space to recognize unconscious reactions before acting from them?

• Can shadow work become part of the developmental path rather than something we avoid?

A teacher who assumes that self-reflection is no longer necessary has probably reached exactly the point where it is most necessary.

The Best Learner In The Room

For me, one of the clearest principles of teaching is this:

The teacher should be the best learner in the room.

Teaching does not mean arriving at the end of development.

It means taking responsibility for continuing it.

Especially when it comes to understanding your own deeper nature.

The more experienced you become, the easier it can be to stop questioning yourself.

You know the forms.

You know the language.

You understand the culture.

People may defer to your judgment.

But none of that guarantees self-knowledge.

Self-knowledge requires an ongoing willingness to look.

To question.

To notice what is happening beneath the role.

And to remain available to being changed by what you discover.

Wendy expressed this beautifully in our conversation:

“Before I practiced mindfulness I didn’t think I was judgmental, I just thought I was right.”

There is a lot contained in that sentence.

Mindfulness creates the possibility of seeing ourselves more clearly.

And that seeing creates choice.

Shadow As Compost

Shadow work is not separate from development.

It is part of development.

The parts of ourselves we would prefer not to see—the defensiveness, ambition, insecurity, attachment, judgment, need for recognition, or need to be right—can become material for growth when they are brought into awareness.

In that sense, shadow becomes compost.

What was unconscious can become conscious.

What was reactive can become workable.

What was defended can become integrated.

But only if we are willing to look.