Containing Fear With Awareness | Diane Musho Hamilton

How aware are you of fear?

How does fear feel in your body?

What happens in your mind?

And when fear arises, does it feel as though fear is something happening in you — or as though you are inside the fear?

That distinction matters.

Fear has a powerful capacity to take over the field of experience.

The body contracts.

Attention narrows.

The nervous system mobilizes.

Thinking becomes less flexible.

The situation can begin to look as if there is only one possible response.

One of the most important capacities we can develop is therefore the ability to contain fear with awareness.

Not suppress it.

Not deny it.

Not pretend we are fearless.

But become spacious enough to remain present with fear without being completely governed by it.

Fear Is Physical

Fear is not merely an idea.

It has a body.

The breath changes.

Muscles tighten.

The heart accelerates.

The abdomen contracts.

The eyes and attention may narrow toward the perceived threat.

This is why working with fear requires more than telling ourselves to calm down.

The body is already responding before the conceptual mind has finished explaining what is happening.

In Aikido, mediation, and contemplative practice, one of the first skills is learning to recognize these signals early.

Where does fear first appear in your body?

What does threat actually feel like?

The more precisely you can sense this, the more choice you have.

Gross And Subtle Fear

Some fear is obvious.

A direct physical threat.

An aggressive confrontation.

The possibility of injury.

These are relatively gross forms of fear.

But much of the fear that shapes our lives is subtler.

Fear of being wrong.

Fear of losing status.

Fear of rejection.

Fear of disappointing someone.

Fear of losing control.

Fear of uncertainty.

Fear of having our identity challenged.

These subtler forms may not feel dramatic, but they can organize enormous amounts of behavior.

We avoid.

Defend.

Attack.

Withdraw.

Control.

Comply.

Often without recognizing that fear is underneath the response.

Mindfulness makes these subtler forms visible.

The Unpleasant Feeling Of Fear

Fear is unpleasant.

That sounds obvious, but it has an important consequence:

We instinctively want it to stop.

We try to escape the situation.

Push away the sensation.

Resolve the uncertainty.

Control the other person.

Distract ourselves.

Or act quickly enough that we no longer have to feel what is happening inside.

But this reaction to fear can create as many problems as fear itself.

A central contemplative skill is learning to remain present with unpleasant experience without immediately trying to get rid of it.

Can I feel fear as fear?

Can I notice the contraction?

Can I feel the trembling, heat, pressure, or tightness?

Can I allow the experience to be here long enough to know it clearly?

This does not mean passivity in the face of genuine danger.

If action is required, act.

But awareness helps us distinguish between appropriate action and automatic reaction.

From Being In Fear To Knowing Fear

There is a profound difference between these two experiences:

I am afraid.

and

Fear is present.

The first easily becomes identity.

The second introduces awareness.

The fear may be just as intense.

But now there is something else present too:

the capacity to know the fear.

That shift creates space.

The experience is no longer the entire field.

This is where witnessing awareness becomes crucial.

Awareness Is Larger Than Fear

Fear can feel enormous.

But if fear can be known, then awareness is already larger than the fear.

This is not merely a philosophical statement.

It is something that can be tested directly in practice.

Notice the fear.

Then notice that the fear is being known.

The body sensations are being known.

The thoughts are being known.

The impulse to run, attack, freeze, or control is being known.

Awareness does not need to eliminate those experiences in order to contain them.

It simply needs to remain present.

This is one of the great powers of mindfulness.

The capacity to include difficult experience without becoming completely identified with it.

Fear In Conflict

This becomes especially important in conflict.

Fear often sits underneath anger, aggression, defensiveness, withdrawal, and rigid certainty.

If we do not recognize the fear, we may react to the other person as though they are the whole problem.

But when we can remain aware of what fear is doing inside us, more options appear.

We can stay connected to the body.

We can remain aware of the larger situation.

We can listen more accurately.

We can recognize when the nervous system is pushing us toward an automatic response.

And sometimes we can choose differently.

That is not fearlessness.

It is freedom within fear.

Building The Capacity

Both Diane Musho Hamilton and I work extensively with this territory.

Diane through professional mediation and group process.

Me through Aikido, meditation, and conflict practice.

The contexts differ, but many of the underlying principles are remarkably similar.

Whenever an individual or group moves toward greater growth, greater functioning, or greater complexity, fear usually appears somewhere along the way.

New capacity means moving beyond what is already familiar.

And unfamiliar territory naturally activates uncertainty.

So development does not mean eliminating fear from the path.

It means becoming increasingly capable of containing fear with awareness.

Watch The Conversation

In the short conversation below, Diane and I explore the phenomenon of fear and some practical ways of working with it.

We discuss:

• our basic physical fears

• how threat feels in the body

• gross and subtle forms of fear

• learning to remain present with the unpleasant experience of fear

• witnessing awareness as a crucial element in working with fear